Friday, April 30, 2010

20 days after SYF...
Okay im getting used to not having band ... Nah i was joking. Which idiot would believe that. Hais i been in facebook looking at band com pictures almost every time im in facebook. Its like picture depicts that particular time and i can help to look at it longer. The days we used to train together and all that...
One show and its gone...
Everything is over...
Months of training and no more second chance. Regrets are definitely haunting me and i don't know how to face them in future. I'll see how it goes...

Yeah yesterday was like so fun... Met my girlfriend to see how she doing in school and talked for awhile :D <3 size="1">


Friends...
I ask myself... After not being around with my clique and all that... I ask myself is it the right thing to do?
Bas talked to me yesterday and it made sense .
But i dont know why there something in my heart telling me something ...
I can forget and when i think about it... I would be so angry and sad at the sad time.
Its like something stuck in my heart... A thorn.
I always follow my heart ...
And its telling me i did the right thing...
My girl told me to just patch up but i really cannot forget it ...
I know... Its a stupid thing to get angry with and that stupid thing will cause our friendship...
But i really cannot do it.
I dont even know who am i anymore...
I dont even know why i got angry over some small thing.
But my heart tells me that i dont need them...
Not anymore...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Yo im finally back ! HAHA ! :D It been like so long since i blogged ... Knowing that my blog is dead long time ago. I dont expect any readers but the post i know are to remind me of the good old days and of course some bad times :D Life is not a bed of roses anyways :D i'll blog more often to just let out whatever i have to say ...
19 days after SYF 2010...
I'm like lost or something. Days without band is so boring and especially when you wake up in the early Saturday morning and say im late for band ! x.x Thats pretty embarrassing when you watch up knowing that competition is finally over and i'm out of band. I used to whine about going to band early in the morning ... Whine that after such a long curriculum time in school and have to go for band afterward. I pretty much miss those days and all i can say is that i miss band ALOT o.o I miss my juniors i think ._. I miss my uniform. I miss marching. I miss my DEAR MACEY! D: cannot touch her forever le ... And i will always remember she gave me a cool scar :p
I'LL MISS SPFMB...
Mid year is coming!
Man ! The pressure keeps on coming ... First which is SYF and then this x.x I really hope i can do well this time . Im kinda prepare for some subjects but some like blur !!!
Stress seems to be my best friend right now... Keeps on clinging to me ! :/
Sometimes i need to keep out the stress but whenever i come home from a long day of school... My parents keep nagging right in my face. Sooner or later i am gonna explode XX
The thoughts of not disappointing the ones that pins high hopes on me. Who believe i can do it ...
My parents ...
My sister ....
And Mr ivan lim...
I cannot let them down! Not again ... i really need to do well . I'm desperate to study and do well for the upcoming exams. Next will be my Os...



Friends...
I've been afraid that this day would come... MY DREAM came true.
Whoever read this knows what is really happening...
I have found out that either i have changed or them...
Im really lost and i dont wish to concentrate abt this for now.
Priority goes to my studies ...
Now i know i still can survive without them ...
Its okay...
I have finally understand why your girlfriend is more important than friends ...
Because she will always be on your side...
Be there whenever you are up or down...
Im luck i still have my baby... Or i wont even go through this huge obstacle...
My dreams do come true...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Not in the mood lately ...
really am disappointed ... to myself or them ?
I dont really know . Questions in my head that cant be answered .
Was she right in the sms ? Was she spot on ? Did she read my mind ?
I need time . Time alone to think and to be things back again .
Giving up never crossed my mind .
You all should know my heart belongs to you all ...
But time and time again . Reminders , punishments , scoldings . You guys are always back to square one .
When can you all prove that im wrong ? WHY ...
Sometimes i ask ... Did i fail to bring my message over .
Meeting up tpgether for 2 days . We did nothing but fool around .
Search deep down was anything done ?
If you all answer me with a yes . Then i have nth to say ...
(Is my expectations too high)
I dont know but what i know is we are far from our goal .
I dont know what to do with you all already . Seriously ... My path ends here ?
I was really hoping you guys would improve but was i wrong to just walk away from the problem .
If only she was still talking to me ... She would have the answers .
Was i erased from your heart ? can you still remember who i am ...
I know that i need you ...
A body without a soul ...
I need answers ...
Am i wrong ? ...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday last day of the ten days day camp...
Morning was like usual ... Went out with shawn and met up with royston to eat ...
I woke up really early today and was wasting time as i woke up to early .
Haha i was watching soccer highlights and waiting for shawn to call .
It pretty much took him a long time and so i waited .
Soon later he arrived to my house and we went to east cc together ...
Then after eating the so called horrible prata(waste food lo that two asses) , we went our separate ways .
So shawn and i walked to the bus stop ...
Ps sia go out with shawn . He almost took bus no. 9 instead of 8 then i shouted and he finally realise he is about to take the wrong bus .
Like what man ! Everyone looked at us and smiled ! Omg ...
Then bus 8 arrived and we boarded the bus :D

School...
Im really energetic today as i pretty much did not do anything -.-
I was just listening to the band music and play along with the mace
I injured my thumb which is pretty much useless already my hand without the thumb strength...
I could not do throws and whatever . Just gimmicks ...
haha :D I did not even sweat today ...
Lunch , we had 2 hours so practically we walked slowly to the coffee shop and slowly eat :D
Haha after lunch ... We had combine music and i also pretty much do nothing and started planning for the show .
Even if i become the show drum major or not . I can pass down ma .
I dont really mind actually as long as the band benefits ...
Ok so i did not really do anything sia ... Alamak :D
Haha then sectionals also never do anything .
Combine again ... Nothing .
Then finally BBQ time .
HAHA this time have alot of food ... But very little ppl .
Wa sei eat till i was bloated . Haha i was really lucky during the lucky draw ...
Mr lim and justin both get small one then i get big prize haaaaa~!
So heng and then everyone ate and finally we sat down and rest
There was alot of food left ... So we played number guessing . Haha so fun ...
My luck slowly began to fasde as i got jackpot and ate like 15 otahs ~! Thank god that some of the members help me eat !o.o
Haha in the end everyone went back home full and scared as it was really dark .
Haha then the usual ppl took bus 8 to go home . When we arrived at our stop ... Shawn walked and walked .
Then suddenly he fell off the stairs ... =.=
Landed on his butt -.- Everyone looked . Like so ps !!!!!!!!!!!!
He so clumsy sia ! Note to self ... Never take bus with shawn ever again . Make you ps only ...
the end .

I have a feeling that many people will forget what they did for the 10 days ...
Hoping ...
Thats all i can do ...

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Back posting ...
Ok today was really disappointing and seriously exhausted today .
I reached my limit ... Demonic training .
AHHH !!! i just need somewhere to scream ! Im very tired already ...
ARGH i just hate myself for being me -.-
I basically failed in everything i do today ... Nothing went right for me .
Im seriously a loser ! ARGH!
And i even thought i could be a good major .
Should i move on ?!

Morning ...
Fall in 8.45 .
I was given time to talk to the band ...
I was ok but i failed as it had no effect on the band members at all . I failed ...
Went for sectionals and thought everything i knew ... I should have done macework .
Then the whole band combine and we sounded , okay -.-
But when we went down for some formation . Same thing !members walking and taking their time . I was just wasting my time in the morning ...
Everything i do also dont work out so what for am i pushing myself so much ?!
Am i that stupid .
Then the morning was horrible during the formation and music . We cant even clear the first part ...

Afternoon ...
Went to eat lunch . Basically we practiced for a while more ourselves while mr jack lim went to buy drinks and miss guok ordered pizza for us >.<
Haha i was like ,okay ...
Then we ate and silence filled the canteen . It was like old times ...
But noise were mostly made by me ...
Then when we ate finish . I got a short meeting and problems start to come in way again .
Ldrs talking back and not listening . Disappointed and i have failed again ...
Today did not really went my way ... i was damn depress !
ARGH two days alr still drop mace -.- ... I really have no courage to go up and prove .
I just cant ...
I dont know ...
Im lost ...
Really you know ! I dont know why i was chosen and hamirul was the better player ... WHY ME ?!
Demonic training but Mr lim and i was really pushed ...
Pushed till i almost went on my knees and just release everything .
I cant and couldnt ...
I was damn depress and started punching the wall ...
Was i the right choice ?
...
Nothing to say already . I have reached my limit and i will move on by improving myself !
I will not give up ... Passion that burns within .
JYJY ...