Saturday, December 19, 2009

Not in the mood lately ...
really am disappointed ... to myself or them ?
I dont really know . Questions in my head that cant be answered .
Was she right in the sms ? Was she spot on ? Did she read my mind ?
I need time . Time alone to think and to be things back again .
Giving up never crossed my mind .
You all should know my heart belongs to you all ...
But time and time again . Reminders , punishments , scoldings . You guys are always back to square one .
When can you all prove that im wrong ? WHY ...
Sometimes i ask ... Did i fail to bring my message over .
Meeting up tpgether for 2 days . We did nothing but fool around .
Search deep down was anything done ?
If you all answer me with a yes . Then i have nth to say ...
(Is my expectations too high)
I dont know but what i know is we are far from our goal .
I dont know what to do with you all already . Seriously ... My path ends here ?
I was really hoping you guys would improve but was i wrong to just walk away from the problem .
If only she was still talking to me ... She would have the answers .
Was i erased from your heart ? can you still remember who i am ...
I know that i need you ...
A body without a soul ...
I need answers ...
Am i wrong ? ...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday last day of the ten days day camp...
Morning was like usual ... Went out with shawn and met up with royston to eat ...
I woke up really early today and was wasting time as i woke up to early .
Haha i was watching soccer highlights and waiting for shawn to call .
It pretty much took him a long time and so i waited .
Soon later he arrived to my house and we went to east cc together ...
Then after eating the so called horrible prata(waste food lo that two asses) , we went our separate ways .
So shawn and i walked to the bus stop ...
Ps sia go out with shawn . He almost took bus no. 9 instead of 8 then i shouted and he finally realise he is about to take the wrong bus .
Like what man ! Everyone looked at us and smiled ! Omg ...
Then bus 8 arrived and we boarded the bus :D

School...
Im really energetic today as i pretty much did not do anything -.-
I was just listening to the band music and play along with the mace
I injured my thumb which is pretty much useless already my hand without the thumb strength...
I could not do throws and whatever . Just gimmicks ...
haha :D I did not even sweat today ...
Lunch , we had 2 hours so practically we walked slowly to the coffee shop and slowly eat :D
Haha after lunch ... We had combine music and i also pretty much do nothing and started planning for the show .
Even if i become the show drum major or not . I can pass down ma .
I dont really mind actually as long as the band benefits ...
Ok so i did not really do anything sia ... Alamak :D
Haha then sectionals also never do anything .
Combine again ... Nothing .
Then finally BBQ time .
HAHA this time have alot of food ... But very little ppl .
Wa sei eat till i was bloated . Haha i was really lucky during the lucky draw ...
Mr lim and justin both get small one then i get big prize haaaaa~!
So heng and then everyone ate and finally we sat down and rest
There was alot of food left ... So we played number guessing . Haha so fun ...
My luck slowly began to fasde as i got jackpot and ate like 15 otahs ~! Thank god that some of the members help me eat !o.o
Haha in the end everyone went back home full and scared as it was really dark .
Haha then the usual ppl took bus 8 to go home . When we arrived at our stop ... Shawn walked and walked .
Then suddenly he fell off the stairs ... =.=
Landed on his butt -.- Everyone looked . Like so ps !!!!!!!!!!!!
He so clumsy sia ! Note to self ... Never take bus with shawn ever again . Make you ps only ...
the end .

I have a feeling that many people will forget what they did for the 10 days ...
Hoping ...
Thats all i can do ...

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Back posting ...
Ok today was really disappointing and seriously exhausted today .
I reached my limit ... Demonic training .
AHHH !!! i just need somewhere to scream ! Im very tired already ...
ARGH i just hate myself for being me -.-
I basically failed in everything i do today ... Nothing went right for me .
Im seriously a loser ! ARGH!
And i even thought i could be a good major .
Should i move on ?!

Morning ...
Fall in 8.45 .
I was given time to talk to the band ...
I was ok but i failed as it had no effect on the band members at all . I failed ...
Went for sectionals and thought everything i knew ... I should have done macework .
Then the whole band combine and we sounded , okay -.-
But when we went down for some formation . Same thing !members walking and taking their time . I was just wasting my time in the morning ...
Everything i do also dont work out so what for am i pushing myself so much ?!
Am i that stupid .
Then the morning was horrible during the formation and music . We cant even clear the first part ...

Afternoon ...
Went to eat lunch . Basically we practiced for a while more ourselves while mr jack lim went to buy drinks and miss guok ordered pizza for us >.<
Haha i was like ,okay ...
Then we ate and silence filled the canteen . It was like old times ...
But noise were mostly made by me ...
Then when we ate finish . I got a short meeting and problems start to come in way again .
Ldrs talking back and not listening . Disappointed and i have failed again ...
Today did not really went my way ... i was damn depress !
ARGH two days alr still drop mace -.- ... I really have no courage to go up and prove .
I just cant ...
I dont know ...
Im lost ...
Really you know ! I dont know why i was chosen and hamirul was the better player ... WHY ME ?!
Demonic training but Mr lim and i was really pushed ...
Pushed till i almost went on my knees and just release everything .
I cant and couldnt ...
I was damn depress and started punching the wall ...
Was i the right choice ?
...
Nothing to say already . I have reached my limit and i will move on by improving myself !
I will not give up ... Passion that burns within .
JYJY ...

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Fri (rest day)
Haha im back . Im feeling the stress right now ...
So little time and so much things to do . we have to do something for the seniors ...
I think that they really went all in for us and i thought we should too .
I planned out everything already but i just need the cooperation of the committee members .
Yesterday was the day i saw the com mem true colours . Some of them really ... More and more problem starts to surface and im afraid im reaching my limit soon .
I really want to do my best and give it all ...
But im getting tired and the ROD , we need to show something .
To show we can do it and we are ready for next year .
Im just afraid something would go wrong ...
I needed the committee to play pachelbel cannon but we rushed through almost everything ...
We need this song but we cant play . Problems started to surface ... Right now im flooded with almost everything . I cant breathe ... I need help from my partners .
We seemed so bonded right from the start ... But inside we were never not . We need to improve and fast .
In the end , we completed the song with some modifications .
Instead of being confident and going for the show . We are just using luck and hoping things would pull through and we as a committee have failed .
I dont know how but we need to change and fast or not we will be to late .
... Am i holding back ?
... Am i not strict enough ?
... I need answers and fast .
I sat down and thought am i wrong to do all this work in so little time ? Am i wrong ...
I just hoped ...

Saturday(ROD)
The day started in a way we had to do alot of things ... As time go pass . My heart started beating faster and faster .
A day that complete went totally off for me .
This Rod was the worst ever ... its all my fault .
Before everything started . We committee members sat together and practiced our 2 songs for our performance today .
Pirates and p. canon . They all sounded ok . Then i started to calm down ...
When Mr lim came in . We had to change alot of things to our song and we were rushing ...
Last minute work is really really lousy ok ! But we had to continue the show .
It was such a disappointing day ...
We just showed our seniors that we cant make it ...
Basically we failed in everything performance and it was a crash and burn ...
The com mem show was the worse . Everything went wrong and the p. canon was a disaster . We have failed together as ldrs .
We just showed one thing . Some may feel that its ok but to me ... Its was really a disgraceful sight .
I hid my feeling with smiles but inside i was breaking down ...
An experiment that wrong ... I have failed as a drum major .


Im choking . I really need help from people who work together with me . Seriously like wad miss neo said .
Is not a one man show . I cant do this alone .
Today was a perfect example ... The keys . I had to do some of our jobs ...
I know you guys are doing alot things but i also need you all to help me and support me all the way .
I need you all and we can come together ... I cant do this alone you see ?!
Together we stand strong but alone . Im fragile ...

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Ok back :D hat-trick liao . I like update blog 3 days in a row ... im too pro to be true :D
Haha my day was really ... disappointing and at the same time Fulfilling .
Third day <3
The time for some seriousness . I nid to be stricter !!! Get ready guys . Day by days i be nastier to you all .
Morning went pass really quickly ... I was watching soccer news for awhile and when i looked at the time . It was already 8 -.-
Time flies when you are watching tv :D
Took a bus and reach school ... Saw mr lim sitting at the fish pond looking at fishes . He is emoing -.- So weird ...
Then cheryl, hamirul and i went to sit down at the concourse for a meeting .
Then Mr lim come and train me and hamirul -.- Do morning exercises ...
Jitao SHIOK in the morning do this type of things . I need train myself alr ... Push ups . Running and basically . NICE ! :D

Then the band fall in . I wanted a meeting but mr lim shout so fast -.-
Then the band was quite dull in the morning . Leaders did not really made a impact immediately so yea .
Then we started off with formation straight after fall in .
Then the band today had no sense of urgency at all . Walking and walking from place to place ...
Leaders did not really do anything ... so yea disappointed .
I went to find the ladder which made me practically run around the school like 5 times .
I ran up and down ...
Perspired like one mad man ...
I joined the band in the formation and i was already sweating like on kind .
Then we went through and went marching all day long ... Everyone looked exhausted .
Fatigue throughout the band ... everyone was tired .
Then a perfect call from mr lim . Lunch time ... Everyone spirits lifted when they heard lunch time .
It was just like old times . When we marched till we were on the way to breaking our limits . Then rest time ! Everyone smiled with enjoyment . Just like old times ...
Water seems so precious to us now dont you agree ? >.<
Lunch time . We finally had some time to go out and eat ...
1hr 30min ! Omg its so long and for today ... we went to the coffee shop . Omg ! o.o
Chicken rice again !!! Typical french horn section food for lunch xD

Came back at 12.30. we all went to the band room for some music and finally i can play .
Practically the whole section could play the syf song so yea . Thanks to cheryl and her teachings i think o.o
We waited for the rain to stop to continue our formation again . We were closer and closer to finishing the formations . Haha JYJY ...
In the end , we skipped the games and continued woth the formation as we were completing the whole formation.
The majors were flexible and agreed to continue with the formations ... We knew what was needed to be done .
All the formation were completed today but like alot of problems . Then i said things and wanted to help then conductors all dont care me . Forget it ...
All i want is to help ... But its ok if they dont need my help . As long as the band benefits .
Im like too kind to the band already . I need to be stricter .
I want for once someone to say JJ you have grown up ...
One girl said to me before . Haha and i love her more for that :D
Then i can finally lead with someone knowing that im capable of handling things ...

Message to com mem ...
Onwards we go as we move together ...
Focus on our goal and never look back . Only by looking far then we can go far ...
Lets aim to get praised regardless on whoever praisies us . For someone to say . WE HAVE GROWN UP . How great would that be ???
We are currently not there yet thats all i can say as long as we stick together .
Anything is possible .
Continue the hard work and push on .
Overall points for the com mem ... Not really good .
I had to even punish the some ldrs . Punishment which was not needed at all ... THEY just showed me . We are still very far and getting further from our goal .
Grow up and move on as we aim to something big .
A legacy of our own . Something we can talk about in the future ...
Live without regrets guys ...
All the best and rest well ...

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Haha updated my blog second time in the row man ! Miracle but yes its happening X.x
Ok im again gonna blog about the 2nd day of band ...

2nd day ...
Woke up really early today and was really physically tired .
I was really in great pain as my left hand was very painful ... Breaking down .
I got ready as i was to meet marcus at the bus stop near my house . I was late ._.
I was really lazy to go down as i was watching soccer news . Then i eventually met up with him ...
(What is happening to me) It was so tough back then but now ? Why am i so tired ? D:
Ok i needed to get my school shoes from ck house today so i asked marcus to folo and yea .
After getting the shoes from ck . marcus and i went to eat ... Porridge :D
I know 2 guys eating together abit weird but just to be on the safe side . Im a very straight guy ... I like girls -.-
OK then went to take bus no. 8 . Cally was inside ... then followed by hannan ! LOL haha :D
Stomachache~! Omg it hurts and come to think about it . Band has not even started ...
Its going to be long long day ._.
I promised THEM that i would start to be stricter and i will do so .... It just the matter of time ~!
I once said ... No more broken promises . Not ever , not anymore .
When we(me and marcus) arrived to school . Immediately started my meeting ...
I really hope that my meeting would make a great impact on THEM . I already said that they are my kids afterall ...
Morning started with some formation . We took like 20mins to just check on how is the progress ...
Well everything went smoothly and especially i was really proud of the ldrs ... I have seen improvements and finally they too are growing up .
THEY showed me that they had iniative and im so proud of them .
Then after all the first formation .... We went to the band room to do music ! I dont know why but i can play today ! Haha it was easy . But the first part i cant really play ... Then faiz played really well.
Cheryl was again laughing and also janice was laughing at me . I said i show you i can play !
Then jiang zhen de i dont know why i can play ! Woohoo ! :D
Im so happy . Stomachache came back to haunt me ! ARGHH ...
Then moments later when we completed what mr ivan lim was teaching ... We went down again for formation ! :D
I was really on the high today because of what THEY showed me today .
THEY were awesome in fact pushing their members and doin things watever i said during the morning meeting ...
OK then there were lots of mistake today . Its like so problematic . Even all the conductors were having problems ...
Ldrs took charge of their sections and they stayed strong ...
Lunch time ... Many sections had individual time with the conductors and gone for lunch .
I stayed in school to help the last section ...Trumpets . Their parts were really simple and they have done well . we just needed time .
Then my stomachache came back ... ARGHHH >.< i could endure . Half the day to go ...
I did not need lunch as i was having a tummyache and the fact that i was still very full from the porridge in the morning .
30mins only the lunch today . Very rush ! Like old time man :D
I only asked my section to help me buy green tea ... That was wat i needed for the time being .

Then afternoon came ...
Formation resumed as everyone dragged their feets to the field .
Everyone was tired and so was i ...
I was getting pissed . The sun can give you so many things ... The weather today was really HOT.
Everyone was beggining to look really tired . But we carried on .
I went on the walkway to see the formation for up above and it was really ... Lets just say disappointing .
I guess everyone was tired ...
Its this type of things which bonds us together ... You guys dont understand but those who endure to the very point of breaking down .
It brings us closer ... Bonds .
Problems again and complications for my section . Everyone was tired and exhausted ... Saxophone helped close the gap . Thank you guys :D
The poblem made me really fed up . I was confused and almost reaching my limits .
I scolded for no reason and was easily irritated ...
This continued ...
I was on the verge of breaking down .
Finally after when my sister came to the picture and help mr lim and my problems ... I was relieved and exhausted .
Somethings happen but i cant mention it due to privacy ...

OK finally to the games section . Its was FUN ?
I really enjoyed myself and everyone came to live . The games really helped and at a point of time the game started to break down . Thanks to janice and hamirul thinking of something new .
Flexibility which all ldrs should have (NCO tip) :D
K thats all for now . I finally went home to go and settle my stomachache :D SHIOK ! :D

Closer and closer we move . I want to create something what the previous batch did not .
The hunger for victory pushes me forward . Like i said i will win my sister ...
My attitude today ? Not ever going happen again thats what i promised you all .
Like i said ... no broken promises . Not now , not ever .
Its really now or never . GUYS ! lets work together JYJY ! :D