Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It had been just days ....
Dont have band and all the leaders there changed .
Slack and play a fool . Wasting time ... Must as well dont have sectionals .
Today the dm had some fun in the rain , practicing macework.
Haha today i just concentrate on around the world ...
I have to improve !!!
Alright while i was doing my macework . The rest just sat down and slack ...
Talked and laughing ...
Very disappointed in today's performance in everyone today .
Leaders dont even know when to have fun and when to work ...
Really ... i ecpected more today .
I was fine with it as long the leaders show me that the leaders showed me the results .
But when i tested the squad ...
No result was shown and everyone was like ....
Very disappointed !
I expected more . Seriously ... The leaders wasted like 3/4 of the day playing instead of practicing .
Leaders did not act like leaders ...

Then we tested the squad .
Horrible .
Thats the word i can say ...
Then me and hamirul had to come in to help in the marching .
Lunch time had to be delayed .
Punished the leaders ...
Punish again
Punish more
then finally everything was done .
Lunch ...
I really wanted to talk to all the leaders but suddenly like dont want .
Dont know why ???
Very disappointed in the leaders today .
Haha but at least i managed to learn something today ...
Around the world man !!!
O yay! thanks hamirul . Love ya :P


Then we went back to sun plaza ...
Slack sit down and talk ...
Then i went to shawn house play psp ...
Keep hitting him cos i always lose ._.
Haha in the end , he make me so horny !!!
Idiot ...
Went home ...
So tired today ...
And so disappointed ...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Haha must stop emoing ...
My tagboard cannot take it anymore .
Haha thanks guys ... I needed time .
My sister keeping asking me stop emoing .
So today . Happy post !!!
Im ok already ...

Well ts been 4 weeks since i seen here ... I miss her so much !
Sorry we could not celebrate ur birthday together .
Seriously this month like never do anything ...
Sian .

Ok i done posting . Kinda bored already ...
Haha Bye :P

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Well im back ...
Not knowing when i'll stand up again like i always do ...
Or i wont stand again .
Im confused ...

But ....
Lying down on my bed reflecting ...
As time passed ...
Seconds passed ...
Minutes passed ...
I was thinking and reflecting ... what when wrong .
I finally realised that i was wrong .

You were always winning me in everything we do .
No matter wad . Studies or band ...
Everything ...
Everyone always look up her , she is a good example ...
Everyone look at her , she is doing it correctly ...
Everyone listen to her , she is correct ...
Its always about her .
You said i always want to claim credit ...
Its because you are always the one having the credit . Whatever you do , you're correct .
I want to have credit sometimes ...
To be recognized and to be praise at least sometimes .
To have someone to give me a pat on the back and to say , "JJ , you have done well ... Im proud of you"
For my case . Im always the one being said by other ppl ... ''Wa drum major like this like that''
For once i want someone to praise me ...
At least once ...

My relatives are always ... JJ ,you are such a good boy , help your parents clean the house.
But i dont want to be always the one cleaning the house .
I dont plan to be a cleaner for my whole life ...
I want to do something big for my life ...
To be a major like my sister .
A major that commands respect .
To impress people and to show that for once that i can do something ...

All my friends have a talent ...
Eleanor , dancing
royston , basketball
Bas , badminton
Shahrul , soccer
ME ???
Nothing ...
Im always the one behind trailing ...
Always alone ...
I always walk alone ...

If only i did not lose my counsellor ...
She would know what to do .
She would have the answers .
I nid help ...
I finally realised that i was also in the wrong . Sorry ....

I realised wad was that dugusting feeling in my heart . Its not hate .
I dont hate you
Its the feeling ... Jealousy
Im jealous of you .
.....
....
...
..
.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

All seem to be lost .
I have lost everything ... My counselor and everything .
Seems that i fell down again . Time and time again i said to myself ... I will never drop .
I promised some seniors that I'll i never give up . Im sorry ...
Another empty promise i think . But this is for real ... Not an empty promise .
I promise i'll wash my hands off everything .
Whatever you guys say goes ...
Whatever you guys do it goes ...
I wont butt in anymore . That i can promise you .
Whatever i do is wrong ...
Whatever i say is wrong ...
Then waverer you say i'll listen ok . I wont lift a finger .
You guys are always correct and im always wrong ...

Im sorry i tried my best ...
I gave my best ...
I always had this goal , to be a good major like my sister or even better .
I don't see it now ... It seemed to disappear .
I cannot do it !!! Im sorry sis .... I have fail you . Your dear drum major will never be the same .
Im really sorry ... All your teaching of band and in life will always be with me . Even when i die it will still be in me .
Thanks for everything .
You have not fail me , I have failed you ...

If you guys did not see i gave the band all my best .
if you guys did not see that day in and day out i gave 110% of my guts into band ... Then you dont know me .
I really did my best ... I cannot go on . You guys have to follow up .
An empty shell of power .
I will always be part of this big family .
But i'll be the family member that is always down ...
Sorry ...
I walk alone and always alone ...
I need the time alone . To reflect ...
Sorry .

I seem to be very happy and sad at the same time ...
I cannot go on much further ...
All those responsibility ... GONE .
I feel lighter . I can finally be a cloud ...
No trouble just floating around ...

Monday, June 15, 2009

I HATE today !!!
Cant help it to be so playful and careless .
I was doing the wrong things over and over again . I was not JJ ...
JJ was not here today and it was like something took me over ...
I did like so many wrong things ._.
Im really sorry ... Where did the drum major go ???
I dont hate today to the fact that Mr lim tortured me today , i expected that already .
I perspired like crazy today as i was tortured by Mr lim doing tons of push up and sit-ups ...
Well it was nothing really as i expected it and im ready to become fit again .
You ask me run comfirm i'll be super lazy ...
Well today brandon became a drum mjor . Sort of ...
He was punished or should we say training together as i action to mr lim say wad i surecan do alot of push-up after lunch then mr lim torture me . Made me do so many things .
Then we took the mace down and i sort of train hin and taught him the basics :D
Well thats not the point . I did like 2 major mistakes ...
Seriously wad is happening to me !!!!!!!
Firstly , i threw the mace to high as Mr lim made us(ME and Brandon) do an activity . I throw then Brandon catch then brandon throw then i catch .
It was really nothing top me actually as i practiced alot in throwing and managed to do many things .
It was brandon's first day and i should have known that i should have been more lenient ...
i threw too high and he missed . Kena his nose ._.
I felt really bad ... Like can die ._.
Like that time i break pansap's hand .....
Seriously wad took over me to throw so high sia . Can die ...

Ok second thing . Wa this one i feel like jumping down the building can .
Wad kind of drum major am i ???
Seriously something took over me , telling me to throw the lollipop somewhere far ....
I know its wrong but i continued .
Then karen scold me .... Saying wad kind of senior are you ? Drum major somemore .
I was like ... Why did i do it . Something is wrong !!!
She cried and i also felt really bad so i apologised like a lot but she did not bothered ...
I so going to school early to apologise to her ....
Seriously wad is happening to me . Something took over ... Im so died ._.

Once again i feel that i should be a cloud .
Wandering in the ar .
Floating where ever the wind takes me ...
Haiz such a drag ....

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Haha i'm just back from like massive like outings :D
I so tired man !!! Going to explode like that but somehow i really liked those days .
Band camp and the performance at metta :D
Well band camp was not really anything compared to the previous camp ... The one which was so called a TORTURE camp !!!
It was really fun at the same time tiring but this camp was really SLOW . It was like so boring .
Now the band is improving but at a very slow rate ... We leaders have to think of something that can speed up the process .
Well things like sectionals to improve on our music and marching .
Its now or never man .
Ok back to the camp ... Its ok but to slack ! Now my legs dont even feel like running during band . Laziness as got the better out of me ._.
Well, the band camp was not really tiring for me as i attended a aem course at temasek polytecnic for quite a long period of time .
Its from 10 to 4 so it like so long ...
i lost out alot during the camp but it i think i also gain some knowledge through that course so it is like a win-lose situation :D
I hoped everyone enjoyed the camp like i did and i as per usual wanted to stay but had no choice ...
I like band camps . I always feel like i'm at home with my family . The bond in which we share and the things we do together . teamwork was there and some juniors showed great leadership during the camp and may be potenial leaders :D
Ok well then after the camp . Some of the guys and i went to Kfc and ate our lunch .
Brandon , faiz , hamirul , nat , yeng hao and i was there :D
It was fun to the extent that we talk so long about ghost stories we like stayed for like so long !!!
Alright !!! Then we like all went to the toilet then i like stop and scream . Haha all jump and scream !!! So funny . The we talked about a knocking ghost which knocks . DUH :D
Then Yeng hao go knock the toilet the cubicle . I finished peeing and then open the cubicle door . Haha got man inside shitting . I practically saw everything -.- Then the guy shout ''OI!"
Then we all ran out laughing :P
Haha all like so scared ...
Then we went back in KFC and continued talking :D
Then we alll went home :D

The band performance was ok . Haha i play very loud but like ppl say cannot hear . I dont care !!! Must ask Janice cos she stand beside me :D
Hmmmm before the performance was like weird . Everyone explored the place while i sit behind the stage alone . So nice and peaceful . Haha :D
Emo kid is here .
Then like janice keep disturbing me to take photo !!! Bugger -.-
I dont like taking pic .......
Then we all had group photos before going up on stage to perform :D
Well then , we then started off with the drumline which i did not really know wad was happening as the band was all behind busily setting up the stands :D
The it was the final coutdown down part . I think we played better ??? Not sure ...
I had to company hamirul today till his parents come back from JB as we talked about ghost aftyer the band camp and he was so scared so i had to company him .
Then we went Kfc again to eat lunch . But this time is different ppl ... Sulastrie , Irsyad , Jun an , hamirul , faiz and i :D
We again talked about ghost ...
The all went home but faiz , hamirul and i walked from Springfield to east cc :D We marched there to be precise :D
Haha fun and nice . The we all went home :D

Thats all for now !!! TATA :D