Thursday, June 18, 2009

Well im back ...
Not knowing when i'll stand up again like i always do ...
Or i wont stand again .
Im confused ...

But ....
Lying down on my bed reflecting ...
As time passed ...
Seconds passed ...
Minutes passed ...
I was thinking and reflecting ... what when wrong .
I finally realised that i was wrong .

You were always winning me in everything we do .
No matter wad . Studies or band ...
Everything ...
Everyone always look up her , she is a good example ...
Everyone look at her , she is doing it correctly ...
Everyone listen to her , she is correct ...
Its always about her .
You said i always want to claim credit ...
Its because you are always the one having the credit . Whatever you do , you're correct .
I want to have credit sometimes ...
To be recognized and to be praise at least sometimes .
To have someone to give me a pat on the back and to say , "JJ , you have done well ... Im proud of you"
For my case . Im always the one being said by other ppl ... ''Wa drum major like this like that''
For once i want someone to praise me ...
At least once ...

My relatives are always ... JJ ,you are such a good boy , help your parents clean the house.
But i dont want to be always the one cleaning the house .
I dont plan to be a cleaner for my whole life ...
I want to do something big for my life ...
To be a major like my sister .
A major that commands respect .
To impress people and to show that for once that i can do something ...

All my friends have a talent ...
Eleanor , dancing
royston , basketball
Bas , badminton
Shahrul , soccer
ME ???
Nothing ...
Im always the one behind trailing ...
Always alone ...
I always walk alone ...

If only i did not lose my counsellor ...
She would know what to do .
She would have the answers .
I nid help ...
I finally realised that i was also in the wrong . Sorry ....

I realised wad was that dugusting feeling in my heart . Its not hate .
I dont hate you
Its the feeling ... Jealousy
Im jealous of you .
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